Existentialism by Moonlight
by A-Kubrick-Spent
Summary: Oh! Brave New World, and with such people in it!


He found her on the swings, smoking a Marlboro Red from between two dark red lips. The early Autumn night caused his breath to cloud and condensate as he made his way back home, his gait quick and hurried against the frigid night air. It was nearing midnight, and he was late getting home after seeing Eddy uptown- the slick-back boy had moved in with his mother outside of Peach Creek some time after his seventeenth birthday, and the transition was still fresh and raw the hithero unseperated friends. The playground was the last in a series of shortcuts that were supposed to bring him home- it was a Tuesday night, and he had school early the next morning.

"Heya, Sockhead," she lulled at him, voice so low and quiet that he almost didn't hear her- he only saw her thanks to the glowing red cherry on the tip of her cig, the pale cancer smoke obscuring her features slightly in the night. Like him, she had a hoodie on, the hood drawn tight around her pretty features.

Edd smiled uncertainly at her, and Marie mirrored the expression, uncertainty replaced by tired acceptance. "Hello, Marie," he said back, detouring so that he stood in front of her.

She had changed quite a lot, since they had first met five or so years ago. Piercings dotted her face at her ears, lips, and one on the side of her nose. He knew , from seeing her in her gym clothes earlier in the year, that she had some inkline tattoos on her leg and arms, and presumably one or two more hidden upon her torso. How she got them underaged, he could only imagine, although Marie Kanker certainly struck him as the type to hang around some of the seedier areas downtown that were less likely to care about legal ages when selling their services.

She swung easily back and forth on the swingset, feet dragging upon the hard, cracked dirt that had frozen over in the cold night. She was bundled up against the cold, except for her gloveless hands, which alternately clutched her lit cigarette or stayed within her jacket pockets for warmth. A few loose strands of blue stuck out from her hood. "What brings ya out this way, Sockhead? Being a bad boy and skipping curfew?" Her tone lacked it's normal teasing quality, and he hid a frown.

"I haven't had a curfew since I was sixteen; my parents trust me not to get into too many litigious activities while I'm away. But what about _you_ , Marie? This is a bit far from your trailer to be out having a smoke." He sighed a little, moving to sit in the cold swing beside her. "Also, no one has called me 'Sockhead' in quite some time," he corrected.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot. It's been awhile since we've had a heart to heart, _Dreamboat_ ," she teased mockingly. He didn't take it to heart, though, merely listening intently as he gazed at her. She sighed, taking a deep drag, smoke pouring out of her mouth easily.

That was Marie Kanker, though- a child lost out of time as the rest of the world passed her by. Stuck in her trailer park with her mother and sisters; while the others on their school talked about college and trade school and travelling the country or the world for a year after graduation, the Kankers struggled along, working off jobs and doing their best not to go home after school.

"Mom's boyfriend is back home now," she admitted quietly. "The asshole is fucking ecstatic that 'the nigger president'", she said distastefully, making air quoted around her words, "is finally gonna be leaving office. Assumes that we're gonna start living well, or something. Personally, I'm _way_ too much into sinning and sleeping with women and men premaritally to buy into his shit, so I left instead of listening to his drunk rant." She took another, smaller drag of her cigarette, and she seemed thoughtful for a moment. "I'm pretty sure that he hits mom," she admitted in little more than a whisper, "but she never lets it show. Hides it, ya know? Wouldn't be the first time some asshole man she was seeing decided to vent his frustrations on her. I guess that's what we get for being trailer trash," she finished bitterly.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Marie," he said, and he truly was. No one should have to go through that kind of thing, and least of all a girl who was, at least tangentially, his friend.

She laughed mirthlessly. "Yeah, yeah, Edd. So, what about you? What brings the school golden boy to a run down swingset on the shit side of town at midnight?"

"I was visiting Eddy," he said, and she nodded at him to continue. "He moved in with his mother recently, and he still is having trouble adjusting. A friendly face helps, I've come to believe. Especially after what happened with his brother," he finished quietly.

Marie wasn't the only one dealing with abusive parents. "Is that why you're sitting and listening to me bitch? Being my own personal 'Friendly face' as my life comes apart?" She spit on the ground before finishing her smoke, stamping out the butt under her sneaker.

"It's not bitching when you have a legitimate complaint. And I stopped because I was curious. I'd have seen what was wrong with any of my friends, at this time of night and this weather."

"Friend, huh?" She rubbed her hands together, worrying at her bottom lip. "Are we, though?"

"Are we what?"

"Friends, Double D. I haven't exactly been the best to you," she pointed out.

He thought back on their relationship- chasing them when they were children, evolving into schoolhouse bullying, and then by highschool they had a sort of grudging respect for each other as they outgrew their childhood issues. "I believe so, yes."

"Well, that's good. You're probably too good for me, though."

"Of course not! I'm-"

"Yeah you are," she interrupted him, twisting in her seat to face him full on, the chain creaking in protest at her sudden movement. "I'm just that Kanker bitch from the bad side of town. I'm lucky if I can become a mechanic or a bartender after I get out of this shithole Berg, but probably not. It's not like I have a future to look forward to. I'll probably end up like my mom- broke, too many kids by too many dad's, and living out in the boonies because it's cheap enough." She produced another cig, lighting it and taking a long, deep pull. "People like me don't stay friends with people like you, Edd."

He frowned, the cold making his nose and fingers and toes numb. "There's always a future, Marie. Just because you are your mother's daughter doesn't mean you have to be like her."

"Yeah, whatever," she sighed. "You just don't _get it_ , Edd. I'm not smart or pretty enough to break out. I'm achingly average. You're a special case- smart, scary smart, so much that you can go anywhere. I'm just one of the forgotten middle children of American history."

"Why so bitter, Durden?" His tone was teasing, but he was looking worriedly into her eyes.

"Wouldn't think someone of your delicate sensibilities would know Fight Club," she mused instead of answering his question.

"I'm a student of philosophy," he prodded.

"No, you're a student of _everything,_ you fucking nerd," she teased. "Still... I just... Dream, sometimes, you know?"

"I think everyone dreams," he agreed companionably.

"Duh. But, like, daydreams, almost. Of a better life. I wanted to be a painter, didja know?"

"No, but I saw some of your art, from school. You are very good."

"Thanks, Double D. I don't like my stuff very much, but I suppose that no one does. I just wish it was enough, ya know? Like, I don't wanna _be_ here anymore. With my dumb sisters and stupid mother and her shitbag boyfriend. I deserve better, I think."

"I think you do, too," he replied, just a bit awkwardly. He wasn't used to being the voice of comfort, even given his recent experience with Eddy. He cleared his throat. "In point of fact, Marie, I think that, given some time and luck, you very well _could_ make it big with your art. Get out of the trailer park and Peach Creek and all of... _this_ ," he shrugged empathetically.

"Thanks", she said quietly. She grabbed his free hand quickly, her bare flesh melding with his fuzzy gloves.

"I just... Why? Why me, why us, why people? Growing up, life seemed like... Some Brogobingian adventure, loud and wide. And now, I'm staring down the barrel of eternity, scrabbling in the dirt for my piece of sunshine."

He didn't answer, brow furrowed as he tried to parse her words. She stared softly at him, hand still clutching him like it was a lifeline.

Abruptly, she stood up, stretching. "Well, I've kept you here long enough, and it's cold and late and I need to sleep if I expect to not skip school tomorrow. See ya, Edd," she said as she moved away. Her steps were hurried, and he regretted how he didn't have an answer for her.

It occurred to him, watching her go, that he probably should have kissed her. At the very least, it would have been an answer.

Edd sat on the swing, watching her as she went. When she was out of sight, he sighed, heaving himself up.

He still had a bit of walking to do before he was home.


End file.
